Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
