i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
