New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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