Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
