'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
