i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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