So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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