I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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