My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
