If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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