loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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