He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
