are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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