I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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