my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
