I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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