dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
