ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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