Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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