drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
