Porn is love you can see.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Alive.
So much puke
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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