I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
