My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
