Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
