I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
