Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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