A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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