I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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