I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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