Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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