cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
