MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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