we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize