when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Apparently you make a good broom.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize