I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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