he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize