Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
