I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
