I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
