so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
