well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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