he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
