god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i've created a new STD.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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