I need help removing her.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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