My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
