Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
