woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
