omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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