I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
