no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
