you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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