The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
