So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
