So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
