i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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