i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
