she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
