It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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