We're facebook friends in real life
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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