I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
