oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
