I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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