non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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