Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Princesses don't give blow jobs
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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