He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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